Xenophobia and other stories.
Ah, the 2006 BITSian batch. Our capacity for scandal knows no bounds. A wise man once said, "Pilani has always been the ******* of the universe. But the 2006 batch looked beyond all this, it peered out of the ******* and out into the wide world around it and saw a nation infested by engineering colleges where dogs are used for warmth and multiplication. And they responded, with gratutious violence, violent sex, and sexual frustration."
But that is the junta's story. What about my story? How did I end up not becoming Prime Minister of India? More importantly, apart from the disintegration of the Soviet Union (which happened before I develop the oratory skills to prevent it from happening), what other regional and international events have pissed me off? Is this relevant? Does relevance matter? Is Darshit Mehta going bald? Why did people not share my excitement when ISRO put a probe on a moon, a probe with the tiranga painted on its sides? The next paragraph should answer some questions but don't blame me if it doesn't.
Barack Obama becoming El Presidente of Yanqui U.X.O. was certainly pissing off. More so because he won without a social revolution and has not created one since. Also, he is half-black and half-white, in my estimation. Yes, I know melanin content is genetic and that race is a false construct, but it would have been a hundred times more awesome if RZA had become El Presidente of Yanqui U.X.O.
The other event which pissed me off was when in our own Jhunjhunu zila, a dravid daityaputra transcended (with amazing impunity) the holy boundaries of caste and made himself a false brahmin of our small yet beloved realm and started deciding our fates and destinies. Why do I say this? Because he is a naxalite, and a naxalite always harbours a vicious lower caste mentality regardless of what caste he was born into. With the full weight of my brahmanical authority, I contend that a naxalite's son is born a naxalite, that naxalites are an untouchable caste. How can an untouchable then become a brahmin? How could he pronounce that Deepika Padukone is not hot? Even if all BITSian men were intensely homosexual and in active sexual relations with other homosexual BITSian men, they would still know how hot Deepika Padukone is. They would not disapprove if Deepika Padukone had a muslim boyfriend, because love is unstoppable. Of this I am sure. Secular Bharat Zindabad!
And if we are still talking about the long and vibrant history of witch hunts in BITS Pilani, mustn't we mention the terrible mistakes of burning non-witches at the stake? Was that not a waste of energy, wood and kerosene? Shouldn't the Marathis apologize for voting for the Shiv Sena in the Bhiwandi East bypolls and for other dissimilar debacles in Jhunjhunu? Shouldn't I apologize for screaming balkankrieg every time B-Man smacks my enviable paunch? Is it my paunch simply because it is neither my tushy nor my face? Does he need a tip drill? Can the tip drill be donated to a poor handyman who has the will to drill but not the resources to drill? Can NSS do something about this?
You might remember a time when this blog was called 'The Mad Guy Speaks'. And I might remember how I had to resolutely defend my decision to change this blog's address while also calling you a retard for being a Sikh. You might also remember how in 3-1 the run up to the last fortnight before the comprehensive exams was not quite the proverbial camel ride. And I might remember a time when I used to write posts with that rare and delicious intensely warm and fuzzy early morning optimism. And you might remember when you and a labrador retreiver were in ANC, making love by the coals. And I might remember all the times I have chucked more interesting discourse in favour of all those little inconseqential things which seem to bother and confuse the junta here in Jhunjhunu. And this is precisely the reason I want you to remember me as a positive force for society. I am Mishra 2.0, what have you?
But that is the junta's story. What about my story? How did I end up not becoming Prime Minister of India? More importantly, apart from the disintegration of the Soviet Union (which happened before I develop the oratory skills to prevent it from happening), what other regional and international events have pissed me off? Is this relevant? Does relevance matter? Is Darshit Mehta going bald? Why did people not share my excitement when ISRO put a probe on a moon, a probe with the tiranga painted on its sides? The next paragraph should answer some questions but don't blame me if it doesn't.
Barack Obama becoming El Presidente of Yanqui U.X.O. was certainly pissing off. More so because he won without a social revolution and has not created one since. Also, he is half-black and half-white, in my estimation. Yes, I know melanin content is genetic and that race is a false construct, but it would have been a hundred times more awesome if RZA had become El Presidente of Yanqui U.X.O.
The other event which pissed me off was when in our own Jhunjhunu zila, a dravid daityaputra transcended (with amazing impunity) the holy boundaries of caste and made himself a false brahmin of our small yet beloved realm and started deciding our fates and destinies. Why do I say this? Because he is a naxalite, and a naxalite always harbours a vicious lower caste mentality regardless of what caste he was born into. With the full weight of my brahmanical authority, I contend that a naxalite's son is born a naxalite, that naxalites are an untouchable caste. How can an untouchable then become a brahmin? How could he pronounce that Deepika Padukone is not hot? Even if all BITSian men were intensely homosexual and in active sexual relations with other homosexual BITSian men, they would still know how hot Deepika Padukone is. They would not disapprove if Deepika Padukone had a muslim boyfriend, because love is unstoppable. Of this I am sure. Secular Bharat Zindabad!
And if we are still talking about the long and vibrant history of witch hunts in BITS Pilani, mustn't we mention the terrible mistakes of burning non-witches at the stake? Was that not a waste of energy, wood and kerosene? Shouldn't the Marathis apologize for voting for the Shiv Sena in the Bhiwandi East bypolls and for other dissimilar debacles in Jhunjhunu? Shouldn't I apologize for screaming balkankrieg every time B-Man smacks my enviable paunch? Is it my paunch simply because it is neither my tushy nor my face? Does he need a tip drill? Can the tip drill be donated to a poor handyman who has the will to drill but not the resources to drill? Can NSS do something about this?
You might remember a time when this blog was called 'The Mad Guy Speaks'. And I might remember how I had to resolutely defend my decision to change this blog's address while also calling you a retard for being a Sikh. You might also remember how in 3-1 the run up to the last fortnight before the comprehensive exams was not quite the proverbial camel ride. And I might remember a time when I used to write posts with that rare and delicious intensely warm and fuzzy early morning optimism. And you might remember when you and a labrador retreiver were in ANC, making love by the coals. And I might remember all the times I have chucked more interesting discourse in favour of all those little inconseqential things which seem to bother and confuse the junta here in Jhunjhunu. And this is precisely the reason I want you to remember me as a positive force for society. I am Mishra 2.0, what have you?
