Why so serious, son?

I'm far removed from BITSian politics. When we had two SU presidential candidates, I didn't know which one to vote for, though Rachit seemed the more sincere of the two. Now that he's the only one in the race, I don't know if I should vote for him or for the 'none of these' everyone is talking about.

But there is something very wrong about how BITS goes to elections. There is a dead seriousness about the whole run up to the big day. I don't see why it should be like this, it's not like Lal Bahadur Shastri has died and we're voting as a united nation in the aftermath of a war. It's a college election for god's sake!

I'm not saying that we should look beyond the numbers. Elections in BITS are always going to be a numbers game. No one gives a fuck about the junta and why should they, we are all desperate scoundrels, aren't we? Well, we've been treated by the faculty that way for far too long. But that's another war. What we need now is a real election, and a fun election.

Step One: Rachit must lose.

A one man race is no fun. I don't care if both camps have to look for alternate representatives now.

Step Two: Address the real issues.

We need candidates who are ready to look at the little things which will make a difference. Who should stand? You. You are the change I have been looking for. Suggested Manifesto Points:

• There shall be no rape. Not just in campus, in the whole world. It's time we BITSians stop this evil.
• The stray dogs in campus will all be killed. Justice will be delivered to all those mongrels who slept in your room back in first year or defecated in your wing.
• The rotis in your mess will not turn back into dough if left unsupervised. Seriously, dharamshalas have better food than this.
• Your ID card will have a perfectly symmetrical lamination. It is a pain cutting the plastic off by yourself.
• Lapdances will be made available at subsidized rates to the desperate male junta. A minimum of 75% of discount will be secured through 'explicit' clauses in the tender which will be floated. Yeah, we need a tender, and only the best red light districts need respond.
• MB's wall will have to come down. It has become a cloistered citadel of illegal homosexual activity. Male supervision will effectively address this menace.

Step Three: Show contempt.

The EC has gone too far. Hiding behind draconian constitution rules, it has taken away the excitement from the first 'festival' of the semester. Candidates must be able to kick the panel's ass in the Audi Ragging. Suggested behaviour:

• "No you fool, my first point won't work out. It's just a manifesto point. I can't stop rape everywhere.
• "Please tell me if I'm showing contempt to the panel because I want to show contempt to the panel."
• "It's up to me how this is going to be implemented, why the fuck are you so bothered?"
• "Yes, I'm going to implement this through my cronies."
• "No, I haven't talked to anyone in this regard and I do not intend to do that either."
• "Frankly, this is a very stupid question. I'm not going to entertain it."

Jobless of the world unite.

With inputs from Rohan Gandhi, Yogesh Kauntia & Saurya Chakraborty.